Which one are you and who is worth your time?

If you hadn’t used a dating app or on an online dating site prior to covid chances, are you have joined the millions of Aussies who have. Latest figures show a whopping 15% of ALL Australians are registered on Tinder  and Bumble reports to having 2 million Aussie users. Dating apps have become have made it possible to date during lockdown and stay connected.

Online dating sites and dating apps stood up to the challenge of covid and introduced new features such as voice messages and video chats making is possible to have virtual dates. But the ‘new normal’ when it comes to dating has bought with it a variety key players. It used to be more common that you choose dating apps suited to your specific outcome and set up dates to meet in person. In more recent times dating apps are used for various reasons some have very little to do with the desire to meet someone.

With such a mixed bag of users and close to 8000 dating sites and dating apps to choose from it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find a match. Dating doesn’t come with an instruction manual but if it did a great place to start would be to understand the most common prospects/visitors you’ll meet on dating apps in 2021. To make the most out of dating during covid it’s important to understand where you fit and what the dating pool really consists of. 

WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE USE ONLINE DATING AND APPS?

Let’s explore

• 8 common users of dating apps

• What category do you fit in to?

• How to quickly recognise the early signs of having your time wasted

• Who should you connect with?

• And who is your personal dating kryptonite to avoid

1. THE PREPPER

New to the online dating world these people are often recently single or are venturing into digital dating world without working on significant relationship breakdowns or past hurts.  Having not used dating apps before they believe they are ready but often subconsciously, what they are really looking for, is some form of validation or a shoulder to cry on about their past relationship. Commonly they are encouraged by well-meaning friends and family to move on with someone new believing the best way to get over someone is to meet someone new. Dating apps are used as a coping mechanism to deal with feelings in the moment rather than a means of emotionally moving forward.

How to read the warning signs someone is just prepping. 

• They constantly talk about the last relationship.

• Low self-esteem.

• Unclear about what they want.

• They run hot and cold over promising and underdelivering.

• Your dates feel more like coaching sessions than romance.

2. THE WINDOW SHOPPER

Already in a relationship this visitor to dating sites is looking for a dopamine hit or exit strategy of a plan B. Sometimes they are window shopping to see what else “is out there” just because they are bored being locked down with their partner, these passive daters rarely follow through with a meeting it’s simply an instant hit from the attention and chase. In other cases, they are looking to set up a new relationship before leaving the one they are in. They don’t consider the betrayal because they are unhappy and have intentions to leave the current relationship. 

How to spot someone in a relationship

• They have black out times where they are never online

• They avoid a virtual date or meeting in person

• They give vague answers to questions and redirect the attention on you

• If they meet you, it’s normally during the day and a night-time date doesn’t involve a sleepover.

3. THE ROGUE

This dater isn’t interested in conventional dating much less a traditional relationship they’re looking for instant gratification. They come in 2 forms the ones who are openly clear about wanting a hook up or a FWB or the ones who cross boundaries without warning. They are quite often the easiest and quickest to spot. They are selfish about having their needs met without care of offending you. In some cases, they are sex addicts looking for their next hit.

The warning signs you could be talking to a sex addict.

• The conversation right from the beginning will be centred around sex.

• Inappropriate questions about your past sex and what you like

• Divulging how attracted they are to your photos and how aroused they are looking at them and what they might be doing to themselves while looking at them.

• Sending unasked for naked photos and probing a response

4. THE LOVE READY

Relationship ready and looking for a real connection. These daters have the intention of an end goal and have positive attitudes towards dating. They aren’t looking for a relationship to fix them and they give people a chance. They put in the time, effort and are emotionally ready for love. How ready are you for love? Take the quiz.

What are the signs someone is ready for love? 

• They aren’t attached to negative stories of past relationship.

• They follow through on what they say they are going to do

• They date one person at a time

• They openly talk about what they want

5. THE TAKERS

Dating apps and dating sites are filled with vulnerable people who are isolated and alone. For some online dating platforms are where they get support and interactions. It is hard to tell a fake profile from a real profile and oftentimes scammers put in more effort with their communications which makes them appear real. But they aren’t the only takers with snap lockdowns and social distancing sex industry workers must find other ways to make their money and have shifted online. There are many forms of opportunists who use dating sites and apps to their own advantage not always in a harmful way, but they are still takers. With nearly 8000 platforms the opportunities are endless.

How to spot taker before they take

• They link profiles to Instagram, snapchat and TikTok and ask you to follow

• They entice you to join their paid ‘only fans’ page

• They approach you and send provocative photos to sell sex services

• They are younger and out of your normal league

• They pull on your heart strings with tales of trauma

6. THE GAMERS

Connecting with a gamer can end up be a tiresome experience. They are in it for a win whatever it looks like to them at the time. They know how to play the game and do so with confidence. These daters go through the motions trying to outscore their last match or last relationship not really having any focus or direction. They keep their emotions out of the game and enjoy the thrill of the chase playing with your head, heart and emotions. They don’t really know themselves or what they want and treat dating like competition until they find someone who feels like the ultimate win.

 How to spot the warning signs of a gamer. 

• They run hot and cold, so you never know where you stand

• When you’re together everything is great, but they make little effort in between dates

• They ghost you for no reason and pop-up weeks or months later

• They tell you what you want to hear and make promises they don’t keep

• They use dating tactics like treat them mean and keep them keen

7. THE LOVE BOMBER

It feels like a dream come true, everything you have been waiting for, someone you connect with on a deeper level. They put you on a pedestal and hang on every word you say. The love bomber is confident, self-assured, charismatic and sweeps you off your feet calling it love at first sight and a “meant to be” soulmate connection but beware underlying the façade could be a manipulative, possessive, narcissist who is looking for their next victim to control. The early days of a new relationship can feel intoxicating, but it pays to be aware of the signs of love bombing and listen to your instincts.  

How to tell if you are being love bombed 

• A love bomber will lavish you with extravagant, over the top gifts

• They are fully committed to spending time with you forsaking others

• They talk in detail about the future together

• They shower you with never ending compliments

• They are in constant contact throughout the day

8. THE 10%ER

The 10%er is the most sought-after dater of all. They are the ideal match most people are looking for. The untouchables. What women most commonly want is a man who can make them laugh, is intelligent, emotionally available, tall, good looking, charismatic, fit, healthy and financially independent and what men want is a woman they consider kind, loving, attractive, has a great body (whatever that means to them) is natural, positive, caring and is emotionally secure not full of drama. The reality is 90% of single people no matter what age or stage are looking for the 10% of people who tick all the boxes and these 10% of daters are rejecting 90% of possible matches. 

How the 10%ers feel about dating and why they aren’t the best people to date

• Extremely good looks haven’t made it easier to find a real match it just makes them fussier

• Overwhelmed by the number of responses so they overlook the majority and don’t value the attention

• They don’t try as hard and expect others to make all the effort

• Less motivated to commit as they are spoilt for choice.

WHO IS WORTH YOUR TIME?

Figure out where you are on the journey and what you have to bring to the table.
If you are newly separated or fresh to the dating scene you might want to consider someone who is on the same path or explore outside of the box to learn more about yourself.

• The fellow Prepper is someone you can relate to and share experiences

• The Rogue can open you up to new experiences

• The Gamer can help you learn how to be resilient and prepare you for the new normal of Dating in 2021.

Your dating kryptonite is The Taker you don’t have enough experience in modern dating to know what is real and what isn’t. You are easy prey for a taker.

If you are emotionally stable and looking for love
spend time connecting with

• The love ready is the obvious choice but look out for the signs as many people think they are ready but haven’t done the work.

• The Gamer you also know the game and how to play it but choose not to. Your readiness, stability and healthy boundaries can be enough to flip a gamer into a keeper.

• The 10%er if you have a thick skin and don’t fear rejection the 10%er is worth a crack, somebody has to snag them, and it could end up being your ultimate love story.

Your dating Kryptonite is The Love Bomber when your heart is open it’s hard to spot the difference of falling in love and being love bombed

If you are a recreational dater, not looking for anything serious or dating apps are a means of social connection or support the online dating world is your oyster. Spend time connecting with 

• The window shopper won’t make you feel guilty whatever your reason for being on line. You will often have the most honest conversations with a window shopper and have a lot of value to add to their experience which is confidence boosting for both parties.

• The Rogue there is comfort in acceptance and the sexually charged dater will accept where you’re are at without judgment allowing you to be yourself and act spontaneously.

• The Taker will give before taking. Without emotional expectations you can take what the taker has to offer without being lured into the web.

• The Prepper has many advantages for you, but you are not always great for them which can cause unwanted attachment. Tread carefully if you connect with the prepper.

Your dating kryptonite is The Love Ready they won’t understand where you are coming from, they’ll either try to change your mind and be upset when their attempts are unsuccessful or they will be judging and critical calling you a commitment phobe, a#@%h*&^ or worse.

No matter who you are or what your motivation for using dating apps is there is one dater you should avoid at all costs, The Love Bomber. The toxic behaviour of a Love Bomber is linked to narcissistic personality disorder, the early stages of Love Bombing evolve to manipulation, control, gaslighting, negging and emotional abuse.

Dating in 2021 has seen many new trends emerge, if you are going to date, know who you are, what daters you will meet along the way and who to avoid. Most of all have fun and date your way through covid it will change again soon but the 8 common people you meet Online are here to stay.  

WISHING YOU LOVE, ALWAYS,

Louanne Ward  x

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