Christmas is fast approaching and for those of you who are single, you are probably filling your social calendar in a desperate attempt to kill the reality of being alone or trying to plot your way out of town so you don’t have to answer yet another years’ worth of questions based on the projections of failure in others people’s eyes of how and why you are single.
Equally, given, December 11 according to past Facebook data which reported to be the biggest breakup day of the year there is a reason to start fearing this time of year. Finding yourself suddenly single is often a devastating experience – add the festive celebrations to the mix and the pain is often maximized with the loss of expectation of how you planned everything to be.
Looking at the prognosis to your current circumstances can make the scenario seem less than grim, but is it all as bad as you are focused on? Is the festive season and New Year really the loneliest time of the year.
Loneliness is a common crisis in Western society it causes anxiety, depression and yet Christmas traditionally is not voted the loneliest day or time of the year and certainly not of your life. Given the very meaning of Christmas is to come together and celebrate it is only ONE day, the very essence of the celebration is about giving thanks and making it special for others. Compared to other life experiences of…..yet another wedding to endure on the singles table, the death of a loved one and funeral, ill health, celebrations of success and good fortune and in many single peoples eyes Valentine’s day trumps them all (go figure). Christmas and New Year are not the loneliest time of the year or of your life, so breathe and get a strategy.
If you find yourself single for whatever reason there are some powerful tools you can use for getting through the festive season with minimal battle scars.
7 dos and don’ts to come out on top and beat the Christmas blues.
Do:
- Recognize every experience you have is necessary for growth. Nobody goes through life enjoying every celebrated occasion. It’s impossible to control the timing and tragedy life presents you with, you have only the power to control your thoughts and emotions not the circumstances. Accept where you are in life right now, days will come and go and one day you’ll look back and wonder why you paid so much energy into feeling bad.
- Keep yourself in a balanced mindset, remember true balance has both positive and negative experiences. Whether you are in a relationship or you are single it is never someone else’s responsibility to fill your happy tank. You and you alone decide what fuel is needed to run your engine. Maintaining a healthy deposit into your tank is your own project. The festive season is no different from any other time, you cannot always control what happens but you can adjust your mindset and future outcomes. What is it that makes you happy? Do more of it, What is it you feel inspired by? Seek more of it, What is it you dream of? Dream more about it, What is it you want most in life? Focus more on it – Simple
- Think about others, the obvious go-to zone on Christmas Eve and Day is you want to help others and fill your tank at the same time by volunteering – yet the reality is most charities are fully booked for that one day of the year, months in advance. Instead of being everything to everyone why not try a simple act of kindness and offer to host an orphans Christmas celebration. I have always believed in extending the hand generosity and making others feel welcome. As a result of extending a Christmas invitation to a new family at my children’s school, a decade of love and friendship has blossomed and they remain not only a beautiful festive season memory but friends who have enhanced my life. Offering kindness cannot be with the intention to receive it is with the intention to give. You will, however, receive as much in your heart as you give.
- Do what feels right in any given moment without minimizing yourself to be a people pleaser. Accept all invitations you are genuinely interested in attending and decline others on the spot. This raises your self-worth by empowering you to be honest and congruent to who you are without needing to justify yourself or worst still make a lie later about why you couldn’t attend. It is the perfect time to set new habits and educate your inner self to express and own who you truly are without feeling the need to compromise in order to please others.
- Get outdoors and enjoy the simple things. Getting back to nature always raises happiness. Walk on the beach, picnic in the park, stroll in the bush – just get out and enjoy the summer.
- Exercise! Any form of exercise will release dopamine and naturally raise your spirits.
- Always look your personal best when you leave the house. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good you create positive energy, this includes wearing your best asset – your smile!
Don’t:
- Don’t desperate date in the weeks leading up to Christmas and New Year, registering on every dating app and site in the southern hemisphere, dating like a Santa elf on the production line with an end date to success or failure– Nothing you ever want or desire will ever manifest in your life when you focus in on what you don’t have.
- Don’t look back in the rear vision mirror into a failed relationship with the nostalgia of what was. Trying to reconnect by looking back on all the good times and happy memories you shared at this time of year only leads you into a false fantasy of what your relationship was and not why it ended in the rear vision there is always a blind spot- Reconciling during emotional times/or celebrated traditions rarely work out and add extra pain in the long term.
- Don’t buy into all the BS on social media. Limit your online time – Stop comparing your reality to other people’s reality they choose to share. Social media is not reality, nor are the masks people wear a true indication of what is really going on. Wind back to a time where you or your parents or boss have been in the middle of a heated discussion (commonly known as an argument) when all of a sudden there is an interruption of a phone call or someone knocking at the door, presented with a 3rd person the mood is suddenly switched from anger and frustration to being bright, happy and positive. The reality is everyone wears a mask.
- Don’t get swept up into the moment of an office party fling or holiday romance unless you truly know what you are up for. The awkward ramifications it raises in the workplace are rarely equal to the instant gratification. A holiday romance lasting a few days or weeks is risky business as you could see yourself caught in a betrayal you never saw coming. According to an extramarital dating site, illicitenounters.com 1 in 3 of their members admitted to cheating on their partners during the holiday season.
- Don’t make promises you don’t intend on keeping. If you commit to being someone’s plus one honor your word rather than letting them down last minute.
- Don’t overspend on gifts for others in an attempt to buy their love it doesn’t work.
- Don’t share all your dirty laundry on social media. Just because you might be having a rough time doesn’t mean you need to spread the doom and gloom.
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