One of the most challenging things about dating is rejection, not only being rejected but having to reject someone. Telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore after a few dates, a few months or several years is never easy.
You know they are a great person and deep down know they have so many qualities you’ve always longed for but when something is missing and you can’t quite put your finger on what it is you just know it just doesn’t feel right. Or when your feelings have failed to develop or have changed over time you know the inevitable conversation must be had.
In fact the thought of emotional confrontation or uncomfortable conversation can become so awkward rather than simply telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore you may decide to take the easy road of avoiding and or ghosting.
You are not alone most people want to avoid delivering the bad news.
3 reasons it is hard to tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore
1. The possibility of a backlash.
Nobody likes to be the bearer of bad news. You act as the messenger and the old saying of don’t shoot the messenger rings true. Putting yourself in the potential firing line of a verbal splaying or an unwanted negotiation to talk you out of a decision you have already made keeps you in the freeze mode rather than in the flight mode where you prefer to be.
2. The fear of not being liked
When you don’t have the skills, knowledge or understanding of how to handle the repercussions of the receiver’s reaction it leaves you vulnerable to not being liked. Nobody wants to walk away being labeled the bad guy when in truth you’ve done nothing wrong.
3. Feeling bad for hurting someone’s feelings
This is especially true for compassionate people with a high degree of empathy. The thought of letting someone down or hurting their feelings especially when they have done nothing wrong is hard. It can leave you with an emotional hangover of guilt or shame even when you’ve done nothing wrong except being honest.
So how do you tell someone who you “should” be attracted to – who ticks all of your boxes, who has done everything right that you don’t see it working, that they aren’t what you’re looking for?
I know this is awkward which is why I am sharing the 4 crucial steps you need to take to ensure you end things the night way. The rule of thumb in life – however you end something is the way to go into the next relationship. Keep reading to the end as I’m including a link to the scripts you can download and use. As well as the do’s and don’ts of telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore.
Here is the 4 step process to let someone down with dignity.
Let’s first understand how people respond to bad news, in a nutshell – nobody takes bad news easily.
We have been taught to give constructive criticism; and tell people everything positive first. Build them up, showcase what they have done right, make them feel good about themselves and once you have them feeling positive then deliver the bad news in a gentle way.
But this method only makes things worse when it comes to rejecting someone. Not only do you feel bad but the receiver also feels bad.
Psychologically rejection hurts for both the rejected and rejector – but if you follow these 4 steps you can master the art of healthy rejection and never end a relationship feeling guilty, or responsible for how the other person perceives rejection.
When it comes to letting someone down or ending a relationship the formula works the same. It doesn’t matter if you have been talking online, or whether you have been on one date, five dates, or have been dating for years.The formula can be used to deliver just about any bad news.
It is never easy telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore. If you follow this process you will not only feel in control while being compassionate, empathetic and considerate. You will also leave the other person feeling good about themselves. And best of all they are unlikely to respond in a negative manner.
Step 1: Warn the person bad news is coming.
Unlike constructive criticism this prepares the person rather than leading them into a false sense of security. If you know you don’t want to move things forward it is best to close the door once and for all. Warn the person bad news is coming. To learn how to do this download the free scripts.
Step 2: Apologise for what you are about to say.
This helps soften the receiver’s reaction to you. Use I’m sorry, I apologise, I’m regretful there is no easy way to say this.
Step 3: Deliver the news.
Tell the truth and share anything you feel is important for the person to know. Give them the reason you are deciding not to continue moving forward with them.
Step 4: Leave them with all of the positives.
Tell them all the things you appreciate and the positive aspects you have seen in them. People always remember the last thing you say. The last thing you say affects the way the person feels and people remember the way you made them feel.
Get real examples and see how this 4 step process works in real dating experiences. I’ve included scripts you can simply cut and paste or personalise to suit. You’ll also find all the Do’s and Don’ts so you never have to ghost anyone or experience the dread of telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore. Click here to DOWNLOAD.
WISHING YOU LOVE, ALWAYS,
Louanne Ward x
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