Things have changed…. Women no longer “need” men taking care of them in a “damsel in distress” come to my rescue way. Role-mate relationships of the past have evolved into the desire for a soul-mate relationship. The antiquated concept of gender roles has been redefined but when it comes to love some things never change.
We all want to feel connected not controlled, appreciated not taken for granted, respected not neglected, and the list goes on…. Equality is a bare minimum in a relationship so where does that leave chivalry?
Is there still a need for one partner to take on the role, and if they did, what would chivalry look like in 2023?
You may associate acts of chivalry with doors being held open, seats being pulled out or heavy things being lifted…. which of course are all very nice but when it comes to dating in 2023 there are more complex acts of chivalry which need to be updated.
Talking about what men and women really want in 2023 here is the list of the most popular acts of chivalry.
10 modern dating commandments of chivalry
A chivalrous man does NOT….
1. They don’t ghost
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news guys…in case you didn’t know ghosting is WEAK! Anyone who avoids emotional confrontation and chooses to ignore you rather than communicate with you isn’t equipped with the bare minimum EQ to qualify as relationship material.There are varying levels of being ignored from micro ghosting (someone who replies after days or weeks of receiving a message), to someone vanishing completely without explanation. If ghosting is your go to tactic to avoid telling someone you don’t want to see them anymore no amount of seats you pull out will ever qualify you as chivalrous. #imposter
If you struggle with what to say to tell someone you don’t want to see them anymore download your free copy of 21 cut and paste no ghosting scripts.
2. They don’t rush intimacy
There are no hard and fast rules about the right time to have sex….It can happen on the 1st, 5th or 30th date, if both people are feeling it, the time is right when it’s right.
BUT…. a man who sets his sights on the destination without going on the journey has often lost before he’s even started.Sexually charged conversations before meeting, consistently talking about breasts or body, sending unasked for d*ick pics or asking premature questions about sexual fantasies all demonstrate you see the object of your attention as sexual conquest. #shallow
3. They don’t sleep with multiple women at a time
They are clear about what they want and keep their eye on the prize. They have ethics and standards and know what they want. They aren’t looking for instant gratification in order to build their egos. They treat the object of their affection as a prize worth having.It is not about the conquest it is about the long game. Whilst there are no guarantees it will work out they are emotionally secure enough to date one person at a time and don’t compare you to others.
4. They don’t over promise and under deliver
Once upon a time, your word was your sword, now it’s nothing more than a rabbit in a hat. Authenticity and honesty are some of the rarest, yet valued traits in men. Promising the world, and underdelivering is not the actions of a man who understands a code of moral courtesy. They don’t make excuses or vague promises. Telling someone what they want to hear in order to elicit the desired outcome is a form of manipulation. Making promises or agreeing to do something and failing to follow through is flakey and disrespectful.The over promiser and underdeliver is commonly guilty of benching and breadcrumbing sending mixed messages and hiding their true intentions. Telling someone what they want to hear, making plans and not following through, having great dates with long gaps in between, stringing someone along while you explore other options. #flakey
5. They don’t use “negging” as a dating tatic
There is no room for toxic behaviour in modern chivalry he does not use sarcasm, put you down and make you the brunt of a joke in front of others. When he gives a compliment it is with sincerity, he doesn’t pull you down to build himself up.Treat em mean and keeping me keen is still a common dating tactic but its undergone a revamp in the form of negging. If you aren’t familiar with the term and are wondering what is negging it’s a backhanded compliment used to belittle or manipulate.
A chivalrous man…
1. Listens to what you have to say
On a date he listens to what you have to say and asks questions rather than talk about himself and big note his achievements. He welcomes different opinions to his own without telling you you’re wrong.
2. Respects your boundaries
He doesn’t try to control the time you spend together, the topic of conversation or push you outside of your personal boundaries. He allows you to openly discuss your boundaries and makes an effort to understand your needs.
3. Does little things to let you know you are important
Thoughtfulness, consideration and letting his intentions be known are all traits of modern chivalry. Taking time to do little things to let you know they are thinking about you rather than just verbally telling you how they feel. Their words are always in alignment with their actions.
4. Cares about your safety and well being
Making sure you are safe isn’t about treating you as weak, it is about making sure you get to your car safely, checking up on you when you’re unwell, not placing you in uncomfortable situations, and speaking up when someone is speaking down to you.
5. Treats you and others as equals
Misogynistic behaviour and attitudes do not form part of his personality. Being openminded to freedom of choice, equality, diversity and opposing beliefs. He treats you as an equal while maintaining his standards and beliefs.
