In case you haven’t noticed, the dating game has evolved. Technology has taken over and people are more hooked than ever. Dating apps have made dating quick and easy but is that a good thing?
Tinder alone generates 1.6 billion swipes per day! Great, right? You have tons of options to choose from and so finding your dream partner should be easy…
Unfortunately, thanks to an alarming increase of damaging dating personalities, dating is easier but finding love has never been harder.
If you thought the gaslighting, cheaters and being ghosted were your biggest problem, I have some bad news for you…
Dating app addiction is on the rise and the combination of smartphones and dating apps are a dangerous combination
Dating app addicts are on the rise and they’re a combination of all your worst dating fears. They didn’t just appear overnight though, so how did this happen?
Our brains have been hijacked
It’s no secret that dating apps, social media and games have been engineered to keep the user on the app. That’s how they make money right?
So, thanks to our ‘friends’ in Silicon Valley, apps have never been more addictive…
They have been designed to manipulate your brain’s neurochemistry and rewire your pleasure circuitry. In fact, they activate the exact same circuitry as alcohol, cocaine, heroin, crack and OxyContin.
So not only are you hungry for love, but your subconscious is also begging for its favourite dopamine fix…
Unfortunately, big tech is currently winning the battle for our minds. Match.com reported that 1 in 6 singles are addicted to online dating and it’s only getting worse as 18-30 age group are 125% more likely to fall victim to this addiction spending an extimated 20 hours a week on dating apps, according to dating service Badoo.com, with men spending an average of 85 minutes a day on dating apps, while women swipe left or right for an average of 79 minutes daily.
I know this is shocking and you must be thinking… How did this happen???
So, let’s take a closer look.
Big tech’s secret sauce
Just like a slot machine, your app vibrates, pings and flashes. Combine that with a never-ending list of potential dates and you’ve got yourself a recipe for disaster…
The love of your life could be one swipe away so why would you stop? You know there are thousands of singles simultaneously swiping and so you literally never have a reason to stop your search.
Dating apps rely on one of the most addictive forms of behaviour modification (variable interval reinforcement). This behaviour-reward feedback loop produces compulsivity through the uncertainty of reward, leaving you glued to the screen until you scratch that never ending itch.
Ok, so we are glued to our phones… How has that created a monster worse than a gaslighter though?
How you become addicted to dating apps
The need for external validation was bad enough and dating apps just made it a whole lot worse…
People have become dependent on a match to feel validated. “OMG A MATCH… They must think I’m clever thanks to my witty bio!” “YESSSS another match… Maybe I do look good in my new photo!” You get the point…
We have been conditioned into getting validation through some sort of digital engagement. This sends our neurotransmitters into overdrive and forms a dependency for that familiar feeling. No wonder half the globe mindlessly swipes for hours on end.
Like all addictions, it affects some worse than others. And one addiction can start a chain of behaviours that some manifest more serious issues.
Addiction can cause you to become a slave to your impulses a few matches just doesn’t cut it anymore as you’ve become addicted to the chase. Each relationship is short lived because you seek the dopamine hit which come with the reward.
“Keep reading to check the warning signs that you could be have dating app addiction or be dating someone with DAA and how to break the cycle with a 28 day dating reset challenge to help you get off the apps and meeting people IRL.”
Like all addictions, it affects some worse than others. And one addiction can start a chain of behaviours that soon manifest more serious issues.
How dating apps created the worst type of dater in history “the serial dater”
Unfortunately while some people become addicted to dating apps who started off dating with the intention to look for a mate and might not know they are even addicted. There is the next level serial dater which can be devastating for singles looking for love and commitment
Here’s 5 reasons why you MUST avoid serial daters at all costs!
1. They’re master manipulators
You aren’t their first victim, they know all the tricks in the book and will become your ideal partner until they get their fix. They know all the right things to say to make you fall for them… But once you do… They’re gone, leaving you with another broken heart to fix.
2. They take advantage of vulnerability
Whether its sex or just an ego boost, they’re using you. They don’t care about how it affects you, they need their fix. Unfortunately, gaining validation from the vulnerable is their fastest option.
3. Serial daters lack accountability
The addiction modifies offline behaviour the combination of less face to face contact and assuming their behaviour is the dating norm they feel no remorse in their actions.
4. They love making you jealous
They love to feel wanted and one of the easiest ways to test that is by making you jealous. They can turn your whole word upside down without a second thought just to get that hit. Imagine meeting your ideal partner and wanting something more with someone who keeps their options open without keeping it a secret.
5. They find reason to blame you for the break up
Even though this comes from a place of insecurity, gaslightling is a common toxic behaviour in modern dating. They’re obsessed with power dynamics and have to be the one in control. Plus once they have got their dopamine fix, they’re ready for their next target and the only thing in their way is you.
7 ways serial daters cause psychological distress
A serial dater has no guilt, shame or empathy and will commonly display these damaging behaviours.
1) Ghosting (disappearing without a trace)
2) Catch and release (fight hard to get you and once you’re hooked let you go)
3) Breadcrumbing (stringing you along doing the bare minimum over promising under delivering)
4) Benching (putting you on the back burner while they chase others)
5) Cushioning (keeping you around until they find someone else)
6) Stashing (hiding you from Friends and family
7) Roaching (hiding the fact they are seeing other people)
If you are looking for a long lasting, loving relationship then you need to stay well away from serial daters. They only care about themselves and will destroy your mental health without a second thought.
WARNING! Serial Dating app junkies could ruin your mental health.
Don’t just take my word for it, see for yourself. Here are 7 studies highlighting the dangers of dating app addiction and the scary part is, this is just a tiny selection, there are hundreds!
- In march 2020, BMC psychology did a study that revealed dating app users are more likely to be depressed, anxious and distressed.
- The Pew Research centre released a study in 2020 that exposed the dark side of online dating: 45% of users reported that online dating left them feeling more frustrated than hopeful. 26% found their experience mostly negative.
- A survey of 2000 people by Scribbler found that app users complained about feeling disposable. Plus they complained about encountering rude/bad behaviour. – This was supported by their 2018 study which discovered 45% of generation Z just use dating apps for something to do.
- Sexes published a study that uncovered an increased risk of depression and hypersexuality among dating app addicts.
- Match.com released a volunteer-based study which shockingly revealed that 54% of women experience burn out from using the site. They also found out that 15% of users were addicted to the dating process.
- Body Image published a study in 2017 that revealed how female tinder users struggle with their body image.
- This statistic scares me the most. Pew research centre found that 50-80% of online daters ADMIT to lying about something significant… I wonder how many people did not admit it…
Clearly, this isn’t healthy so how can you spot one before it’s too late?
7 signs of a Serial dater
1. They are masters of the grand gesture
If it feels like it’s too good to be true. It probably is…
2. They make grandiose statements
If you are hearing things like: “I’ve never felt this way before” on your first couple of dates, you should be weary.
3. They’re not bothered about getting to know you.
Why would they be? You will be replaced in a couple of weeks.
4. The first few dates are unbelievable.
Remember, they are master manipulators, they will do anything to hook you in FAST.
5. They disappear for days with no contact.
If you can’t get hold of them but then they come back with a crazy excuse like a family tragedy, you should proceed with caution. Not always, but it’s worth keeping in the back of your mind.
6. They avoid talking about family.
They don’t want to meet your parents and you’re never going to meet theirs. They like to keep things light hearted so it is easier for them to date and ditch.
7. They make promises they can’t keep.
Again, this is all a part of their manipulative game. They just want to win you over fast. They couldn’t care less about breaking a promise as you aren’t going to be around for long.
Are you developing a dating app addiction?
Look, you’re only human and these apps are designed specifically to hook you in. I am going to break down some early warning signs so you can monitor your habits properly and avoid the grip of these harmful apps.
1. You check your dating app first thing in the morning and always make sure you have a match before going to sleep.
Never start your day with instant gratification, focus on you first.
2. You’re constantly tempted to check your apps at work.
There’s a time for swiping but during the day you should be focused on your tasks at hand
3. You spend hours swiping daily.
Realistically, you shouldn’t need any longer than 30 minutes a day to find a date. The paradox of choice suggests an overload of choices makes the decision harder anyway. Keep things simple for your own sake.
4. You are attached to the outcome of a match
The ego boost feels great but when you get rejected it affects self-esteem. You are on an emotional rollercoaster.
5. You have a great date but still, keep searching
What are you even searching for? Take some time to focus on your priorities before diving into more dates.
6. You spend all of your spare time dating, rather than pursuing other interests.
Remember, there’s more to life than dating.
The only way to stop this addiction is by limiting your time on the apps / deleting them altogether. However, if you need to fully reset your love life, we have the perfect dating reset challenge for you. In just 28 days you could be free from all of your limiting patterns that are holding you back from finding your one true love.
Conclusion
Dating is scary, confusing and difficult. Especially in the modern world. This blog will help you avoid serial dating app junkies so you can protect your energy and actually find real connection . Dating can be beautiful, you just need to stay in touch with what matters and enjoy the journey.
If you don’t want to waste your time stressing and swiping, make sure you contact our team so we can take care of the hard work for you. Also, make sure you take advantage of the exclusive information on our mailing list. It’s a game changer for singles looking for love 🙂
WISHING YOU LOVE, ALWAYS,
Louanne Ward x
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