8 mistakes you make and how to fix them
Essential reading for attracting the right man or woman…
Self-awareness is imperative when you begin your journey into the dating world. With some honest insight and self audit, these tips will help you to understand what you could be unintentionally doing which makes you less attractive and offers real solutions anyone can master.
Remember, this advice not only applies to dating and attracting your ideal match… being the best version of yourself is a virtue to honour well beyond the early dating stage it becomes a basis to attracting the life and relationships you deserve.
Read on for the 8 tips to help raise your attractiveness and 2 bonus tips you need to hear.
1. PUTTING PEOPLE DOWN
Bitching or gossiping about people behind their backs or belittling others does nothing other than demonstrating you have nothing better to talk about. Two faces never looked good on anyone. Both men and women are attracted to kindness.
Truth bomb: Bad attitudes repel good people
In order to attract the right person and the right relationship, you have to become the kind of person you’d want to date.
2. BREAK UP WITH HEAVY MAKE UP
Men are visual, I am sure this isn’t new information. A well-groomed woman who has gone to the effort with her hair and make-up is always appreciated. However, poorly applied, or over-using makeup often kills the attraction for a man …. Enhance your natural beauty and features, use makeup to complement your skin, eyes, lips and cheekbones but ‘caking’ on the makeup for day to day use rarely helps attract a man.
In fact, if you think like a man, it isn’t just about how it looks, there are other factors to consider which take the seduction out of makeup.
Truth Bomb: Makeup can also kill spontaneity
The desire to spontaneously kiss you becomes a decision of whether to risk messing up your lippy and having makeup smeared on his face, not to mention the orange streaks and mascara smudges on his clothes.
It’s hard to be spontaneous and head out at a moment’s notice if you take an hour to dress your face.
3. COMPETING & COMPARING
Competition is healthy it helps drive personal ambition in the workplace, on the sporting field and in life pursuits but it has no place in relationships or dating. It can also cause you to unfairly view and judge potentially great match. Not everyone you encounter will have the same set of value drivers. You may seek financial success, your idea partner may deem family as being paramount, we all have our own life objectives. When it comes to attracting the right partner accepting your primary objectives goals, achievements and non-negotiable values will be different to your ideal match. It isn’t about being perfectly aligned to you, that would be unrealistic.
Two people bring varying components into a relationship. There is no need for comparative analysis when it comes to attracting the right man or woman into your life.
Truthbomb: Trying to date yourself will leave exhausted with disappointment.
If you compare everyone to yourself and only date people who are like you, you’ll attract your ideal match and enter a single-dimensional relationship. This will create competition and there will be no contrast of growth.
4. LOSING YOURSELF IN THE NAME OF VANITY
The overstated, over-enhanced fake everything, is not necessarily going to increase your attractiveness or sex appeal. In fact, sex appeal doesn’t rely on looks. Comparing what you look like with Instagram influencers, firefighter calendars, Hollywood movies, or the ironman surf lifesavers and modifying your looks to what is currently viewed as fashionably attractive is a self-deprecating dilemma.
Truthbomb: fashion changes like the seasons but internal attractiveness is timeless
I’m not suggesting boycotting cosmetic enhancements completely; sure, do what you feel is right for you. A little bit to enhance what you have been given but the trout pout lip fillers, frozen face wrinkle relaxers, chipmunk cheek fillers, rapunzel hair extensions, lash extensions, oversize breast implants way too big for your body shape, liposuction, butt lifts, tattooed eyebrows… The list just goes on and on is it time to ask yourself: “where does it stop?”
5. CAUSING A SCENE
Not being able to control emotions and needing to be the centre of attention rarely does anything to help you attract and keep the right man or woman. Controlling emotions is an essential component of emotional intelligence. It is natural to feel jealous sometimes, to be annoyed when someone is rude to you, to get your back up when others behave poorly but how you respond can be the difference between attracting your ideal match or having a string of failed relationships.
Truthbomb: Needing to be the centre of attention by causing a scene in a public display of negative or positive emotions isn’t attractive.
The high pitch squeal from across the room when you see a girlfriend or putting the waitress down in front of others speaks volumes about your awareness of self and others.
6. PLAYING THE VICTIM
Relationships aren’t always easy and past experiences can leave scars. There are things you never want to happen to you again, it’s natural to want to protect yourself. It’s also natural through the dating process to share past hurts but playing the victim and constantly sharing your battle scars becomes monotonous and can spill over to other areas of life.
If your life is always doing things “to you “ and you are constantly talking about how people and circumstances are going against you it’s likely you are in a victim mindset. There is a difference between
Truthbomb: Everybody has scars but you choose how you respond and react.
Life’s not out to get you no matter how many times you have been let down. Being in a victim mindset steals the energy of others and ultimately you become draining.
7. DRAMA TO GET YOUR OWN WAY
It is fair to say seeking a partner who is not boring and offers up their opinions and challenges you keeps things exciting. Dating someone unpredictable who can show vulnerability, call you out on your BS and knows the value of fighting fairly creates a solid foundation for a relationship. But there is a fine line between being authentic and creating drama.
Are you someone who makes a drama out of every little emotional upset? Or do you seem to constantly attract women or men who are full of drama? Using drama to get your own way or gaslight someone into believing every drama was caused by something they did or didn’t do is a form of toxic behaviour and will lead to toxic relationships.
Truthbomb: If you are accepting or attracting drama you are half the problem.
There is no accident or coincidence that the people you date bring drama into your life. If you are causing drama or are highly affected emotionally by little things it could be a sign of trauma drama that becomes a part of every relationship.
8. BODY CONFIDENCE
Your body shape is your body shape. Own it. Love it. Embrace yourself for who you are! BUT dress in fashion to COMPLIMENT your assets. Remember, not every man is attracted to a perfect body and women are often more attracted to what we have come to know as a dad bod but, no matter what you’re preferences the most attractive attribute is your confidence.
Knowing who you are, being conscious of your best features and dressing for your body shape shows a strong sense of self and confidence which gives off the vibe that you have charisma. Charisma and confidence are scientifically proven to make you more attractive.
Truth bomb: Trying to squeeze into sizes that are way too small for you, don’t suit your age or body shape or wearing daggy outdated clothes on a date sends the message you lack confidence.
In conclusion beauty and good looks ultimately comes from within. Your ability to attract the right partner isn’t dependent on looks alone it is about your overall attractiveness. Don’t get caught in a continuous cycle where you feel you’re not enough, because your beauty or handsomeness is unique to you! Your style is unique to you. Your heart is unique to you. So give those things a chance to shine because the BIGGEST truth about your allure is it’s not on the outside. It’s what comes from within and this is not ugly!
Make sure you read part two for the 10 proven ways to become magnetically more attractive, subscribe to the list to get access.
Until next week.
WISHING YOU LOVE, ALWAYS,
Louanne Ward x
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